Are you okay?

The fatigue sets in during the weekend -- at least that's the way it has been, based on my first two chemo schedules. Chemo on Wednesday. Take off work Thursday. Go to work Friday. Pay for it on Saturday and Sunday. It all works out. I have the weekend to regroup. Besides, mine is not a physically demanding job. I can sit and think in my office. Or I can sit and think at home. Sometimes, I've been known to do both. But never at the same time. I'm talented, but not mystical. I can be explained.

Of course, there is the stress factor to consider and I think that's where I go a little south. I have a departure time in mind when I come in on these post-chemo days. You know, "I'll be out of here by 2:00 at the very latest. Not a minute longer." And then 2:30 clicks in and I'm still there and haven't eaten lunch yet and someone notices I'm looking a little flushed. "You okay?"

"HELL, NO, I'M NOT OKAY. DOES THIS LOOK OKAY TO YOU? IS THAT WHAT OKAY IS SUPPOSED TO LOOK LIKE?!"

Alone on the street, if you saw an approaching stranger, looking this fried, would you think, "Hey, that person looks okay!" Or would you discreetly cross to the parallel sidewalk and think to yourself, "Whew, that was close"?

Of course, you would. But there really is only one appropriate and expected answer to the "are you okay" question, and that, of course, is the one I usually give: "Yep, I'm fine. Better than I look, thank God!" Ha.

And, it's generally true. I'm okay. But when I hit that wall, it's my own fault. And I need to learn to put on the brakes before the wall comes screaming up to meet me.

I've also learned, sort of, to not use this as a time to catch up on long-delayed clean-up projects at home. Yes, the crawl space is ridiculously jammed with seasonal items that have been held prisoner for at least a decade. Another decade out of the daylight isn't going to kill them. Well, actually, it probably will, but at this point, do I care?

My project, my own personal corporate mission, is to get the rest I need and to get well. Everything else will still be waiting for me when the energy returns -- whenever that is. I had it once. It will come come home again, if I don't burn out my own candle.

Excuse me while I go burn that pithy little bon mot into a wood plaque for my office.

And yes, thank you, I'm okay!