That just can't be right!

Even though my tumor was going to be sent packing to California for a little R&R, the oncologist felt 99% certain that the lab results would confirm that chemo and radiation would be the appropriate treatment options for me. However, she told me, insurance companies love the lab testing because sometimes it reveals a surprise, and they celebrate when it turns out that they don't have to pay for chemo. No kidding. Insurance companies celebrate when they don't have to pay for cough syrup.

The lab results wouldn't be back for at least two weeks and with the holidays approaching, most likely we wouldn't start the chemo sessions, should it be determined that they are necessary, until the first week of January. That was good. I'd have the entire month of December to feel good and to get all those Christmas errands accomplished.

I would have four chemo sessions, three weeks apart, followed by seven weeks of daily radiation (15 minute sessions, Monday through Friday). Oh, and by the way, I would lose my hair. For sure? Yes, pretty much guaranteed with this combination of two drugs, and it would start some time after the first session, she informed me.

Well, okay, I had been warned about that. And it's all right. At long last, I would find out if I fell into the smooth or lumpy head category. There was no way of knowing before this. I was born with a full head of hair. So, there would be the great "reveal" some time in January. The oncologist told me that insurance covers part of the cost of a wig and wrote out a prescription for it. I looked at what she wrote and started laughing. Cranial prosthesis? I immediately envisioned a Viking helmet with two blond braids. Yoho! A nice Brunhilda look would be quite a departure from my short spiky "do".

Assuming the usual good news/bad news pattern of previous conversations, I piped up with "at least I'll lose weight with the chemo treatments." No, she smiled sadly at me. Worse yet, with the hormone therapy that I'd be on for five years after radiation treatments concluded, all the patients complain that they gain weight. Noooooo! C'mon! That just can't be right. Chemo = skinny. Who goes out and buys "fat clothes" before starting chemo.

You know, this cancer thing was starting to become annoying!